This COVID-19 crisis hasn’t fooled anyone. We’re still sexual beings.
Whether we’re single and practicing social distancing, or in an established relationship and self-isolating with our partners… For all of us, it’s a bit of a strange time sexually.
Some of us are so stressed out right now that our libidos have taken a complete nose-dive, and it’s the last thing on our minds… But for others, we just can’t stop thinking about it. Everyone seems to be talking about how these times of stress have an immense effect on our sex drives.
So what’s the deal? An amusing amount of research is going into exploring this sexual phenomena emerging right now, and understanding the two different sides. Psychologists are delving deeply into the factors that determine why two people can respond to the exact same situation in very different ways. The whole world is fascinated as to why this lockdown anxiety is fanning the flames of sexual desire in some of us, but dampening desire like a wet blanket for others. Rather interestingly, we mustn’t be the only ones wondering why everything bedroom-related feels a little heightened (or suppressed) right now. Because, for as many studies being reported that are revealing new information about Coronavirus… There seem to be almost as many research papers championing the benefits and importance of continuing to get it on... Even if it’s just with ourselves.
AND WE’RE ALL FOR IT.
So whatever your current quarantine situation... don’t forget the astounding health benefits and stress relief we can find when our focus turns to getting all sexed-up.
All these scientists must be onto something good. So go ahead and take your cue to slip out of your favorite sweatpants that have been your uniform for the last few weeks- and dust off all your silky, lacy and downright naughty lingerie that you’d almost forgotten about.
Even if the only person who’s going to be admiring that sexy image of you is yourself in the mirror.
Create the Headspace
You know what makes you feel desirable. We all have our little rituals that are our personal sure-fire guaranteed routines to get ourselves in the mood for some intimate encounters… Whether that be getting ready for a date night out on the town, barhopping with our girlfriends (and hoping to meet a sexy someone), or having a steamy night in with your significant other.
Perhaps you slide into a slinky new dress and your fiercest lipstick, or dance around your apartment in some confidence-boosting purple lingerie to a sultry playlist while sipping on some wine, to get yourself into that sexy headspace. But no matter what flavor your “feeling sexy and strong” poison is- everyone has their own special ritual that gets us in the mood, sets the stage, loosens us up.
Feeling good about ourselves and feeling sexy go hand-in-hand. You may have been neglecting a few of your usual personal care rituals during the lockdown because nobody’s going to see you, or perhaps you figure that the rest of the world has been slouching around in their sweats for days, so you might as well too. But skipping those nice things we do to honor our beauty and feeling of well-being can take its toll on our self-image, and have a devastating effect on our libidos.
- Try to maintain your grooming and beauty regime, even if you won’t be seeing anyone: Catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror with your usual beautifully-styled hair, or a pretty necklace will put a spring in your step, helping you feel good about yourself and stay in touch with who you are. You’re still beautiful, even though you’re not getting dolled up to the nines to go out to a restaurant. Being at home shouldn’t come at the cost of us feeling like we’re still attractive and desirable. So go ahead, put on some lipstick just for you.
- Slip into something more sexy: Creating an environment for some free expression of sexual energy is guaranteed to turn up the heat… Whether you’re setting the stage for an amorous romp with your quarantine companion, or just on your own. Try lighting some scented candles, playing with some sensual massage oils, and creating a sumptuous boudoir in your bedroom that’s sure to beckon the side of your personality out who caves in deliciously to carnal pleasures! Try Urbanbella’s Rosey Georgia Peach Body Oil to get you feeling and smelling sweet and sexy all over.
- Listen to some Audiobook Erotica: Not all porn is created equal, and a vast majority of it is aimed toward the tastes of a male audience. But us women are sensual creatures, and our most powerful erogenous zone is right between our ears. Tune into some erotic fiction and be transported to a tantalizing headspace, as voices dripping with lust narrate naughty short stories to you… Complete with sexy sound effects as they describe exactly what they’re doing to you. If you’re feeling particularly risqué, some platforms even allow you to submit your own stories!
Being coupled up in self-isolation with your significant other sounds like the perfect setting to languish around all day together in a romantic love bubble, right? You’ve got countless opportunities during the day to sweep each other off your feet and share moments of intimacy, whispering sweet nothings to each other... right?!
Ummm, perhaps not so much. Lockdown is presenting some pretty unsexy circumstances for couples right now.
You’re now suddenly right up in each other’s business, all the time. You’re potentially juggling separate working-from-home schedules- or, to add even more pressure and uncertainty... maybe one of you has unexpectedly found yourself without a job, and has to rely on the other for financial support.
Add into the mix the confronting reality that we’re now losing out on all our precious alone time we’d usually rely on for recharging our batteries... Plus, to do all those little personal care things we’d rather remain a mystery to our other half- like clipping our toenails and tweezing that random chin hair.
Pair this with some pretty unsexy tasks, like negotiating the new division of household disinfecting responsibilities… Whilst wallowing around in your Falcons jerseys and slipper socks, still sporting wild bed head hair at 3pm. And let’s face it, you’ve probably gotten a bit more comfortable with leaving the door open when you go to the bathroom in front of each other.
Perhaps you’re both in self-isolation, but in separate houses down the street, or across town… Or you might be in different states. Or maybe even on opposite sides of the globe.
You might have just started an exciting new courtship before the lockdown, and are wondering if your early-stage relationship will be able to survive these new challenges in keeping connected without that physical element. You may be asking yourself if you even want it to...
Keeping romance alive has suddenly become the Wild, Wild West.
But everything is telling us to keep on having sex to boost our immune systems, get bursts of stress-reducing endorphins, and enjoy a relieving escape from the current tension. So, if you’re feeling the struggle of getting in the mood and lining up schedules with your partner for some thoroughly endorsed sexy time, try some techniques to keep that spark alive:
- Respect each other’s space and create some sexual tension with physical distance during the day: Use the Tantric technique called “stretching the rubber band”. By going into separate rooms while working, you’re giving yourselves an opportunity to actually miss each other during the day. Just like a rubber band that has been stretched out wide, your separate energies and build up that tension again... So when you do come back together for some “quality time” that you’ve intentionally carved out in the evening, you’ll snap back into each other’s arms with some newly generated, palpable longing.
- Schedule some time for fun activities together: Be sure to plan some lighthearted activities to do together during your quality time to re-establish that connection. Having a giggle is a great way to create moments for intimacy and take a break from the daily stressors. If you’re both feeling relaxed and sharing something fun together, chances are you’ll be feeling frisky in no time. Mix it up with a scheduled date on the front porch at 5pm for Home Happy Hour, team up to tackle some recipes to create an elaborate three-course feast for yourselves, or get together and daydream about the next romantic vacation you’re going to take once the lockdown is lifted.
- If you feel like you’re spending all day working separately, (or stressing out over financial planning and worrying about the future!) and then suddenly your partner appears and wants to put the moves on you, you might feel a little ambushed. Without the distinction between home and work life we usually get, it’s important to learn new ways to transition from “professional-you” to “partner-you” at the end of the day. Establish open lines of communication with each other, ask how they’re feeling about everything and don’t be afraid to ask for a bit of time to decompress and have some alone time to meditate, have a relaxing bath or read a book to switch your brain from hyper-vigilant work mode to relaxation (and sexy time!) mode.
Single? Doing the long-distance thing? Looking for a virtual fling with a stranger, with no strings attached to give you some gratification and a little virtual vacation from the everyday? We won’t judge. And nobody else should either.
Even if you are coupled up, taking some time alone to sexually connect with yourself will put some twinkle back in your eyes and make you feel like a goddess. The best thing about masturbation is that there’s nothing else to worry about except the indulgent pursuit of your own pleasure.
If you’re a stranger to exploring what really pushes your pleasure buttons, and perfecting your own most mind-blowing orgasm… There’s no time like the present to dedicate some time to honing this super gratifying skill. Whether you’re single or attached, getting intimate with yourself can seriously improve your sex life, both with a partner and solo. Here’s some ideas to take your solo sessions to the next level:
- Play voyeur to learn some new things from the experts: With an increasing demand for advice from real women like us who know what we want, there’s a vast array of tasteful, informative resources becoming available. Check out the many videos and articles online to get some inspiration for new techniques to pleasure yourself, from realistic sources. With a frank, direct approach and an empowered attitude, these pioneers in female pleasure aren’t afraid to show you how they get themselves off. Let them lead by example, and help you shrug off the unnecessary taboo surrounding the subject.
- Belt it out: When we try to keep a lid on our moans of pleasure, you might be sparing the neighbors, but you’re not doing your orgasm any favors. When you try to muffle your sounds, it alters the rhythm of your breath, which can actually restrict the blood flow and the oxygenation of the muscles where it matters most. So throw caution to the wind and let loose with your sound effects- you’ll likely discover that your orgasms are more intense, your pleasure feels deliciously unbridled… And your neighbors may even be a little jealous.
- Shake it up with some new sex toys: The Economy isn’t the only thing we intend on stimulating with those “stimulus” checks! If you can swing it and spare the money for a bit of self-indulgent spoiling, there’s no time like the present to revamp that bottom drawer of your nightstand. With sex toy designers catering to a wide audience of savvy, design-conscious women, your go-to rabbit has recently seen an artistic redesign. Some of the new sex toys out there are so dang pretty, you might even be tempted to display them on your nightstand rather than stashing them away in your bottom drawer! Take your cue and spoil yourself with some powerful new additions to your pleasure palace.
- Be a tease: You’ve got allllll day, so why the heck not? Try the technique of “Edging” to throw yourself off a metaphorical cliff of pleasure when you do eventually succumb to that climax. This clever technique builds the sexual tension by bringing yourself right up to the brink of orgasm, then stopping. Taking a break, cooling off, going to catch up on some emails before bringing yourself back to the brink again later. Repeatedly arousing yourself with this teasing and delaying technique heightens your senses and cranks your desire into overdrive. So, when you do delve back into your pleasure session later, you’ll be off-the-charts aroused and get swept away by an explosively intense, toe-curling orgasm. You’re welcome.
We hope you’re making the most of your lockdown experience and celebrating the beautiful, sexual, desirable woman you are! We sure know we are.
Wishing you blissfully breathless adventures between the sheets…
~Keneesha and the Urbanbella Team